I’m not the luckiest guy in the world. I’ve had random arbitrary moments walk over and literally beat me till I doubled over. Like the time I decided to gamble on my English final. IN EIGHTH GRADE MS PATTERSON . The professor told us there would be 3 poems that could possibly be analyzed. Thinking that I would win big, I spent all of my studying time (take or give a few minutes from 35) into one poem. This story doesn’t end well as i phailed in the most epic of manners. However, these last few days have basically been the pinnacle of my life in terms of luck. Other than a slight cold, the past moments in April were top. Over the last 2 weeks, my acquisitions have included a half a pound of UTZ brand Cheese Puffs, a brand spanking new iPod Touch 2nd Generation 16 GB, good grades from Chemistry, and a successful last dance performance. I don’t really know when this luckfest started, but it all has to do with the fact that APRIL was when it all started. So with half of April gone, I can only begin to conjure all the delightful things to happen in my coming future. But when all’s said and done, I have a feeling fate going to come back and smack me senseless to a place i belong. I’m not the luckiest guy in the world.

So here’s to my quest to finding luck to help it persevere till the end.

Here’s to the luck of the Irish:

Here’s to the luck of the Russians:

And lastly, here’s to the luck of Luck:

You know, winter isn’t over yet. Some may look at the weatherman and say nay or yay, but the truth of the matter is, its cold as hell in Siberia, and times just arent going to get better. So why tremble and shiver with the bitter cold licking and slowly converting your whole body into something resembling a pale iceberg, when u can walk in rays of golden sunlight, and fester in your own body heat with SELK Sleeping Bags! These sleeping bags, are filled with layers of ventilating fabric that let ur sweat and other bodily fluids out, but at te ame time, sucessfuly retainging heat. Also, a major factor is the mobility. With a normal sleeping bag, u cant prance around in it, gathering firewood among other thigns. But in the Selk sleeping bag, you can. One can examine the bag here:

How gangsta is this sleeping bag. Even the poses the models strike are 100% pimpin. You can get yours by googling it. I also want one. Just saying.

What does it mean to go too far? Does it mean to overdo a joke to such an extent that it is longer in the least bit funny? To such an extent that it in fact, in the pursuit of going too far, that it makes the joke crass and crude? Does going too far mean to make a strong strides and leap over the “line” that separates the sane form the insane, the evil from good? To venture into territory unexplored that no one has thought of going into, out of fear and ignorance? Does going too far describe the rocket NASA launched to reach the moon, but disintegrated into smithereens when it smashed into the unforgiving surface of the cold and bleak moon, due to a miscalculation made by NASA for the rocket to originally glide into the gravitational pull, which in turn cost NASA billions in wasted currency that is now residing as nothign more than space dust in the infinite stretches of the universe? Was this post the cybernetical equivalent of going too far? No. Going too far, put simply, is:

I am going to dedicate this blog post to bacon. Bacon is a truly American food, usually though not always taken from swine, is part of the quintissential American diet. It dates back millions of years, where cavemen, and other early single-celled organisms enjoyed the flavor and zest of the one and only bacon. Here we can see the pure, unadultered form of bacon:

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Unadultered.

This is bacon before frying. This is what we and billions others saw before slamming it down on a greasy black frying pan which then, after a few delightful minutes, the bacon then assumes the form of:

Delightful.

However, although many Americans as well as other people of other cultures have stopped and consumed the bacon at the “delightful” stage, in actuality, the chain does not have to end there. If the bacon is allowed to collaborate and develop further, they can continue, to produce stages such as “Epic”, “Frightening”, and “This-is-going-to-make-your-cholesterol-levels-equal-as-much-as-the-national-debt”. Several connoisseurs have over the years been experimenting with then eating several types of baconations (an amalgamation of the words bacon and creation), when they have came up with preposterous, and at times, downright dangerous conclusions. These hopefully edible pieces of pork have been engineered to appeal to the masses of slabs of lipid that populate America, and one such creation is the Bacon Lattice:

Enlightenment.

But recently, I have emerged with this nugget of bacon. The Bacon Explosion. A freak bacon. A bacon of gigantic proportions. I now present…

The Bacon Explosion.

Yes. The armored fortress-like tank of flesh is layer after layer of latticed bacon and hamburger meat, forming what looks like a fortified stronghold of beef and pork that was heavily grilled and battered in BBQ sauce. A meal for the gods no doubt. More or less because they are the only ones who cant die due to the cholesterol intake.

And if YOU ran out of bacon, and would like for insta-bacon, then simply follow these SIMPLE instructions:

Perhaps more on bacon to come in later posts….

Recently inspired by Hot Rod, mainly the character of Rod, I have come to realize that many things in our world are “un-legit”. Half of them come from China. The other half come from warehouses in the Phillipines. Some of these “un-legit” examples in our world are:

Although combating these fake brands may seem impossible, not all is lost. This image alone, can save us, and bathe us all in sweet, clear redemption.