Recently inspired by Hot Rod, mainly the character of Rod, I have come to realize that many things in our world are “un-legit”. Half of them come from China. The other half come from warehouses in the Phillipines. Some of these “un-legit” examples in our world are:

Although combating these fake brands may seem impossible, not all is lost. This image alone, can save us, and bathe us all in sweet, clear redemption.

Homework homework homework…. where to begin? Thats the question i usually face. Or should I ask myself, WHEN to begin? By this time, i have played far too many games and have let myself into an awake, unproductive coma that i can simply not get out of. And then by the time i start, I realize that I too tired, and I say screw it, leave my alarm on to ring at 4 A.M. for the next day and drift off into No-Homework land where one can play GTA ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL day long! Yay. My alarm goes off at 4 A.M. as it is supposed to. However, it has gone off at this time so many times i simply reach out while sleeping and turn my phone off. All in my sleep. And i wake up at 6 A.M. thinking WHERE DID MY TIME GO?! Yes indeed. Where did it go? Probably down the drain along with my dreams, hopes and goals. And so I go to school that morning. Now I don’t know about you, but i get to school at 7 A.M. This helps a lot. I usually get motivated during this time, and whip out my macbook, Geometry textbook or any other peripherals needed to complete my  homework. If the homework for the previous day was short and sweet, I usually finish in due time for that morning’s class. If it is a large-scale monster HW, I still somehow, get my HW done. Do not ask how, just accept it and wonder in admiration. Some of the homeworks i have done in 45 minutes before the bell rang (including time to get up the stairs) are:

• 3 Pages of Geometry proofs
• One World History essay with specific evidence from a 20 page document.
• Reading 120 pages in 20 minutes while going up the stairs and managing to hit every sunbae and teacher in the building.
• Studying for the Final Exams last semester
• Choreographing an entire 10 minute monologue for Theatre Class
• Getting my school application to KIS finished and revised 3 times through

But there are exceptions. When you have a group project to do, or some kind of Spanish worksheet with insane conjugations you haven’t even heard of after 2 years of living in Mexico and 3 years of watching 1970’s Mexican films with your parents, you simply can’t finish those before the first school bell rings. Now for me, my schedule is heaven. Those assignments are always somehow due RIGHT AFTER LUNCH! Now if you expect to eat lunch and then calmly finish your homework as you are finishing your food. You must be delusional. Stop reading, close this window and leave. YOU MUST GIVE UP YOUR FOOD!!! Now, once you’ve stopped hankering over that, pick up your pencil and start workin’. By the end of the 45 min, which by the way is only 25 min because it takes 10 min to get down from Club, and 15 minutes to get from the Cafeteria thanks to its ULTRA-CONVENIENT area, you have that much time to finish what you got. Utilize this cafeteria time to:

• Ask your friends what the homework was (you can’t begin it until u know what it is you dunce)
• Get help from that math whiz who learns AP Calculus YZ
• Threaten the nerdy boy to photocopy 500 pages of study guides for Mr. Barry’s P.E. class
• And of course, ask the kid who has asked for ALOT OF FOOD from the cafeteria ladies for some spare munchies

If you stick to your mind, and use determination to get through homework (which should not in any circumstances be done at home), you should be done by the end of Lunch. If not, hand in your pencils because quite frankly, your screwed. And please, don’t try to do homework in class because the teacher will most likely turn into something resembling the Minotaur and shred your homework into pieces regardless if you are doing it on paper or your Macbook.  So thanks for listening, and I hope one day, you can get homework done EXCLUSIVELY at school! Just. Like. Me. HAVE A NICE DAY

Idea for Blog Post by: http://anniep10.kiswrites.org (brilliant writer by the way!)

Hello again, this is your field commander, Kenny Kim. Otherwise known as your SLEEPING GURU!!! So you;ve tried my tactics, think you;ve got the hang of it, thinking of conspiring against me, its all good. BUT you’re not PROOO. Yet. Because everyone was bad days. Everyone gets caught EVEN ON THEIR BEST DAYS. So. Now, i give you ways to make up for yourself. Because if you get caught, and the teachers ask you to explain, and you just stupidly standing there (WIPE OFF THAT DROOL BOY!!) you’re gonna have issues. Therefore, I and my background resources give you now, the secrets to cover up your slips. Memorize these lines, and remember to pull them out of your @ss when needed. Use sparingly:

1. “They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.”
2. “I was merely meditating on the Principles of Existentialism from Kierkegaard, and Nietzsche…”
3. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably noticed me just in time.” Remember to have your Wite-Out.
4. “Did you ever notice the sound coming out from these keyboards whe you put your ear down real close?
5. Raise your head slowly and say, “…in Jesus’ name, Amen.” Note: Make sure you change your catch phrase accordingly to your disciplinrian’s faith. Ex. Hindu: In Shiva’s name, Amin. etc, etc.

Remember to commit these to your memory, for when the worst comes to worst, there’s no rest for the weary…

And don’t forget to subscribe to my RSS feed, leave a

message, and SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT MY BLOG!!!  

OK so, we’ve all fallen asleep in class, and unfortunately ALL HAVE BEEN CAUGHT. REPRIMANDED. DISCIPLINED. LASHED. Ok maybe not lashed, but definitely been given a talkin’ to you know? Unamsayin? Ye. So today, on this historical moment, Kenny’s Blog give you the words coming from the Sensei himself…. the one, the only… KENNY KIM!!!!! HUZZAH!! HUZZAH!!!1 OK everyone, here are some of the top tips that I’ve conveniently decided to pass on to you. My faithful readers. These tips I’ve found from the net, on the phone, in random MSN convos, and colleagues around the world. AND HERE THEY ARE:

1. Make it look like your tying your shoes. Put your head on your desk and with both hands hold your shoelaces.

2. Put a large binder underneath your cleft. (This may not work for everyone, CHEBAK) just kidding chebak

Advantage: you can keep your regular working position and stay hidden from view. LIKE A NINJA!! PA-SHAOW!!!

Disadvantage: All your classpeepz that you share the room with, must be in front of you with turned their back on you.

3. This one is priceless if somebody got the bollocks to pull it off: Use some make up and draw eyes on your eye-lid. First use some white colour and after that draw a pupil with an eyeliner and shadow.Fake hairs will simulate an open eye.

4. This one I’ve used many times on the battlefield, its BRILLIANT:

Sit on the toilet with your head on the toilet tank and relax.

Use a role of toilet paper like a pillow for your head.
NOTE: you ABSOFU**INGLUTELY MUST hold a set of keys or lotta pens in your hand, which will drop on the floor and wake you up when you fall a deep sleep. Or else, you risk falling asleep indefinitely and no one likes the smell of a rotting corpse when they’re trying to answer Nature’s call.

5. This one is a classic, a must have in all great sleepers arsenal: Print some important documents or open a binder and put your hand between your desk and your head, so the papers are in the area of your eyesight.

NOTE: every five minute you better turn another page or it would look extremely weird if you stared at one page for 40 damn minutes. Unless your dyslexic or something… i guess….

And thats the best of the best. You pull off these, your on the fast track to sleeping stardom. SLEEPING IMMORTALITY AWAITS YOU!!! So keep these tricks in mind when you have to make a quick excursion to choo-choo land. Best of luck soldier, you’ll need it out there.

*STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO*

Have you heard of this thing?! its called Remote Desktop 3, and its coming to a teacher’s mac near you. Yes this heinous plan launched by Mr. B***** (name protected for reasons disclosed to the public because you may desire to riot and massacre and possible OV#RK1LL$ the person responsible) is designed to make sure we students are focusing on our skoolwork and not playing internet poker, or maybe preventing ambulances from rescuing gunned down pedestrians in GTA: Vice City, or other types of tomfoolery in general. This ebil surveillance system however, CAN BE STOPPED, or at least, somewhat HANDICAPPED!!! And only I can show YOU (you innocent, unknowing, pathetic lambs) HOW TO DO IT

The HARD Way:

• Acquire a group of but-kickin’, a$$-mastering squad of Chinese hackers from the province of Qui-Lao to shut down the entire school system, wreaking havoc, and in turn making Mr. Boerner throw himself out of the window. (However, this may prove to be uneffective, as Mr. Boerner resides on the 1st floor.)
• Spend $257,678.99 on hiring hitman services on www.rent-a-killer.com Satisfaction guaranteed.
• Smuggle into KIS thousands upon thousands of miles of aluminium foil, draping it over EVERYTHING, disrupting internet access beams and preventing Apple Remote Desktop 3 from HACKING into your system.

The EASY Way:

• Chuck a brick at your target teachers computer. (This may piss the teacher off. Just MAYBE.)
• If you are of the female gender, AROUUUSE your teacher (male or female, context doesn’t matter).
• Give them OJ Juice in a suspicious looking used bottle everyday for about 5 weeks. When they start asking why, say, “Ever heard of citric acid boy?” and do not forget your menacing grin. A menacing Jamaican accent goes well with the grin.

The SAFE, yet DISTURBING, yet HONEST-TO-GOD Way:

• Just don’t do anything, accept the fact that they WILL observe you while you get your daily fix of Post-WWI sheep pr0n. You wussy.
• Download Jane’s NEW DESKTOP, and you’ll see how it workz WHEN you download it!!! Check Jane’s blog for MORE info bout this plan and much more! Now, where to get it? RIGHT HERE! HIGH FIVE BUDDY! HELL YEA!

So you’ve read the different tactics and maneuvers you can take to thwart the diabolical plan. Choose carefully what you think is right. That choice MAY be your LAST.

This message was NOT brought to you by Apple Remote Desktop 3.

Apple Remote Desktop 3, the ultimate spyware software that installs itself incognito WITH your consent, that allows any complete stranger control of ANYTHING you have on your computer, and seeing how in this day and age, YOU are permanently ATTACHED to your computer, it has control over YOU TOO!

Apple Remote Desktop 3, screwing you over, day by day.

psh.. bloody new-fangled technology….

*DESKTOPS NOT AVAILABLE YET COME BACK SOON FOR MORE UPDATES!*