Psh, New-fangled Technology…
Have you heard of this thing?! its called Remote Desktop 3, and its coming to a teacher’s mac near you. Yes this heinous plan launched by Mr. B***** (name protected for reasons disclosed to the public because you may desire to riot and massacre and possible OV#RK1LL$ the person responsible) is designed to make sure we students are focusing on our skoolwork and not playing internet poker, or maybe preventing ambulances from rescuing gunned down pedestrians in GTA: Vice City, or other types of tomfoolery in general. This ebil surveillance system however, CAN BE STOPPED, or at least, somewhat HANDICAPPED!!! And only I can show YOU (you innocent, unknowing, pathetic lambs) HOW TO DO IT
The HARD Way:
- Acquire a group of but-kickin’, a$$-mastering squad of Chinese hackers from the province of Qui-Lao to shut down the entire school system, wreaking havoc, and in turn making Mr. Boerner throw himself out of the window. (However, this may prove to be uneffective, as Mr. Boerner resides on the 1st floor.)
- Spend $257,678.99 on hiring hitman services on www.rent-a-killer.com Satisfaction guaranteed.
- Smuggle into KIS thousands upon thousands of miles of aluminium foil, draping it over EVERYTHING, disrupting internet access beams and preventing Apple Remote Desktop 3 from HACKING into your system.
The EASY Way:
- Chuck a brick at your target teachers computer. (This may piss the teacher off. Just MAYBE.)
- If you are of the female gender, AROUUUSE your teacher (male or female, context doesn’t matter).
- Give them OJ Juice in a suspicious looking used bottle everyday for about 5 weeks. When they start asking why, say, “Ever heard of citric acid boy?” and do not forget your menacing grin. A menacing Jamaican accent goes well with the grin.
The SAFE, yet DISTURBING, yet HONEST-TO-GOD Way:
- Just don’t do anything, accept the fact that they WILL observe you while you get your daily fix of Post-WWI sheep pr0n. You wussy.
- Download Jane’s NEW DESKTOP, and you’ll see how it workz WHEN you download it!!! Check Jane’s blog for MORE info bout this plan and much more! Now, where to get it? RIGHT HERE! HIGH FIVE BUDDY! HELL YEA!
So you’ve read the different tactics and maneuvers you can take to thwart the diabolical plan. Choose carefully what you think is right. That choice MAY be your LAST.
This message was NOT brought to you by Apple Remote Desktop 3. 
Apple Remote Desktop 3, the ultimate spyware software that installs itself incognito WITH your consent, that allows any complete stranger control of ANYTHING you have on your computer, and seeing how in this day and age, YOU are permanently ATTACHED to your computer, it has control over YOU TOO!
Apple Remote Desktop 3, screwing you over, day by day.
psh.. bloody new-fangled technology….
